


The Go Board

by Qem



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Community: fifthmus, Edo Period, Gen, Ghosts, Heian Period, History, One of My Favorites, Politics, Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 21:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qem/pseuds/Qem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all a matter of push and pull.</p><p>Go has traditionally been a game of politics. Go players traditionally hate politics. These two statements are not incompatible. This may explain why Go players are traditionally crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Go Board

**Author's Note:**

  * For [macey_muse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/macey_muse/gifts).



> TITLE: The Go Board  
> PAIRING: Goban/Sai forever! + Shusaku (Kuwabara Torajiro)  
> WARNINGS:  
> Um. Death, but I think that one was obvious.  
> SUMMARY:
> 
> Request 2: Shusaku-era gen – how did the possession occur? Or, did Shusaku –really- let Sai play –all- the time, or did Sai 'forget' to mention his rebellious side? If neither options appeal, anything would do – there's so little from this time.
> 
> It's all a matter of push and pull.
> 
> Go has traditionally been a game of politics. Go players traditionally hate politics. These two statements are not incompatible. This may explain why Go players are traditionally crazy.
> 
> NOTES:
> 
> I strongly suspect for this I was inspired from a Lord of the Rings quote, LoTR in your hikago? It's more likely than you think. about how a long life pulls at people in ways that fundamentally break them. But I've always thought that pressure can break a person just as well.
> 
>  
> 
> A large nod towards Sensis library (http://senseis.xmp.net/) which was used as research for this fic - and may have provided inspiration for some of the ideas long ago when researching other fics with discussions on there. :)
> 
> http://senseis.xmp.net/?Shusaku

_  
****  
_   
**The Go Board**

  
_Human spirits can only stretch so far before they break. The older a spirit is, the more likely it has turned malignant - that is if it wasn't already to begin with. The souls that are least likely to move on are riddled with obsession and flaws after all._

 _Spirits from objects are more likely to stand against the tests of time, as they approach from a different perspective, but even then they are not immune. Spirits that have attachments to objects are also more likely to last - strengthened against spiritual attacks, less likely to change as the centuries go on - although it's the durability of that object they gain - if the object is destroyed, it is likely that the spirit will be too._

 _Ultimately it takes a rare and special type of light to purify a spirit yet allow it to remain in this world. The kind that is offered by the gods only rarely._

* * *

Everything contains spirit, and once long ago, when the world had more magic, there was a Go board.

This Go board was very proud. It did not contain the most intricate patterns, carved into it's woodwork, such as the dragons from the wood carved to it's right, nor did it contain the artistic animal patterns like the wood to it's left did. Though it was made with the finest kaya wood in the land, it looked quite ordinary really.

But only to an untrained eye.

It was a master piece. Each grain perfectly orientated, made from the heart of the wood itself, it would sing each move with grace and it was designed to survive down the centuries. It was designed to last as was the style at the time. A gift for the future.

When the apprentice asked the master why the design had been so plain - it was to sit in the palace after all, the master's sage answer was that a game must be played, and this board was perfect for just that - made from the heart of the wood, it could get to the heart of the game.

The Go board beamed and was determined to do just that.

* * *

The young Fujiwara, bowed gracefully towards the Emperor, before turning his attention to his opponent, determined to make a good impression as part of his début in the court and help add to the prestige his side of the family held.

The fact that it involved his favourite hobby, made him very lucky indeed and he was determined to show his strength - not just for his family, but in a more selfish manner for himself.

He would smile and show his expressions, just so, as bidden by his mother, learn the subtle meanings carried across by fan as taught by his aunt and proudly carry forth the strength of his family as commanded by his father.

But it wasn't for the distant ancestors that he did this, but for himself.

Sai after all was quite ambitious - not in the ways of the court like his uncle, but rather in the ways of Go.

* * *

Kuwabara Torajiro, liked Go but sometimes he wanted more. Instead of learning strategy he wished he could learn stories. Instead of sitting primly, beside a goban he wished he could run chasing and laughing with friends.

However instead his father had decided, with ambitions for his son, that it was important that he learned how to manage strategy effectively. Additionally if Torajiro could learn to play a good game of Go, it would make it easier to socialise and build contacts as he grew older. Especially if he could demonstrate potential - he might be able to win favour with the local daimyo, who was a well known Go enthusiast. If he had the favour of the daimyo it would open the doors for a quality of life that Kuwabara Wazo couldn't personally provide.

Torajiro knew and understood this, and he did like Go, really he did, but still a concept, alien as it seemed called to him... Friends.

Friends... He remembered a little when he first started playing and was of equal or lower level the good-natured comments that he received from the other children. This was an awkward age he was at, too good for the players his own age to provide a challenge, too good for the players just a little older than him to like him very much, and not good enough to play much more than Shidougo with the adults.

He wished he could have a friend he could play all out with. Even if it couldn't be a ball game, someone who he could enjoy Go with... He could hear it now, the echoing "pachi" as each move was played immediately after the other, in a game of perfect harmony.

So instead he dreamed.

* * *

So this board went forth, to the palace itself, serving the court, beaming as some of the more knowledgeable nobles eager to show their knowledge and culture admired the fine work, pointing out the subtleties of the board. The Emperor himself had laid hands on the board - declaring it of acceptable quality! A high compliment from one who was level with the gods!

But the one that the Go board liked best sacrilege or not, was a pretty young man with delicately tapered hands that moved each stone with grace, whose voice was melodic in analysis and whose eyes never moved away from the game, even as he explained with grace his moves - being honoured enough to teach the Emperor.

The Go board liked him best, better than the giggling girls who would study after the men went away - he was far prettier than them for sure. The go board liked him better than the Emperor, blasphemy though that may be. The Emperor was too important to spend much time than a humble board... The go board admired the Emperor and would be anxious to pass on this information to anyone who would listen of this! But it couldn't compare to someone who loved the very heart of the game - that made the board feel a little closer to perfection.

The man had vowed once that he would find the hand of God - the perfect move, in the perfect game! And the Go board wanted to be there when it happened too! That surely was the heart of the game, seeking the perfect move and that was what the Go board wanted to achieve.

So yes the Go board liked him best, better than any other member of the palace... And much, much better than the other tutor - the one who fingered each stone with calculation, willing to hide their strength, not for teaching purposes, but for a surprise advantage later on. The other tutor had thrown a match early on in the Go Boards stay in the palace - in order to build favour, the Go board had watched as they flaunted their skill to lower nobles - and yet overall hoarded the game in private... It wasn't a game to the other tutor it was a battle field and part of maintaining prestige within the palace.

However this wasn't yet the point where the Go board would come to it's final decision regarding the man...

That it really hated him.

* * *

Sai played well, with elegant moves across the goban and grace outside the game.

"Very well", his father proudly praised. "You've brought prestige towards the family."

"Too well", his uncle hissed. "You risk falling if you don't reinforce your place through other methods first."

Well enough, to gather the fortune of attention and favour from the Emperor himself, as he was made a secondary tutor.

Unfortunately, well enough to gather the attention and displeasure of the other Go tutor, as the start of an unpleasant rivalry began.

* * *

Torajiro's day dreams were becoming more vivid, as he grew older and understood the world around him more. No longer was it a child that played beside him, but someone older, wiser, yet still the respect could be seen in his eyes, as he challenged Torajiro to go further, play harder and brighter.

Torajiro added little details, such as the way his hair swished in the wind, the way that curious bright mind was naive to the ways of the world and although above Torajiro in Go, was awed by Torajiro's understanding and maturity.

It gave Torajiro strength - the encouragement to push himself further on the goban, as well as the confidence to speak clearly to the adults around him.

He liked his dream. He wished it was real. It seemed so much full of life than the stiff diplomacy his actual life was.

  


* * *

The Go board was shoved rudely by a courier, into the room where the noble had been bidden to pack his gear before exile.

"For you to reflect upon the gravity of your mistake!" He smirked, a proud toady who had now been released from the obligations of politeness to someone he considered flighty and impractical. "Though I'm sure out in the country you'll have plenty of time to focus on your mistake, forever shunned by the court" he gloated before finally leaving the room.

As the noble flung himself, clinging to the board he would also have to bid farewell to, weeping as he did so, the go board's heart broke.

  


* * *

Sai's parents weren't here but he could already hear his father thundering about the disgrace he had brought about and the weeping of his mother on how their family had loss face.

Perhaps he should have waited for his uncle to have returned from his personal lands back to court... But Sai had wanted to rely on his own strength for once.

He could already see himself secluded into the book keeping corner of the family, expected to attend to family affairs, as other, more politically aware family members went to the court to repair the damage that a "cheater" among them had done.

He would become a shallow shell, lifeless and bitter and away from Go for good.

He would rather be dead.

* * *

The thing about dreams, is that it's very difficult for the reality to match up, which is why dreamers need to be careful that they do not become lost along the way.

But sometimes reality can be even better! Torajiro thought with pride as Asano-sama beamed about the game they just played, remarking on the unusual and delightful patterns formed across the goban and spoke of arranging details that would allow Torajiro to study under Hoshin, his personal trainer.

As his father would put it later that night, Torajiro was moving up in the world.

* * *

It was dark and raining. Purple lightning flashed against the jet black sky.

Water was everywhere. Draping cloth absorbed it and heavy wood fell softly through, pulling both physically and mentally.

It couldn't end like this. It shouldn't end like this. So the Go Board pulled with all it's might in the hope that it wouldn't.

In the morning, the body and board was fished out... The body being sent to the family for burial. The board back into the court where the nobles cried out at the indignity of the water damage dealt to the board and organised for a priest to purify the sin that had blighted the board...

The Go board did not mind, though the noble blushed and apologised to people who couldn't listen.

* * *

While it was frustrating to see games just beyond reach, the warm fuzzy feeling of being able to watch Go, he never wanted to let go.

He wasn't aware of the world in any great detail, except for opportunities to witness Go games - and even then not all of them could grant him the strength to watch them carefully.

But he was aware enough to see when the board was sold, where it was lost, how it travelled as part of a dowry, how it was stolen in the dead of night, sold... left as a heirloom, sent for the younger boys to play upon in an unobserved corner.

But still there were so many moments where he felt truly alive and wished he could move the stones himself.

* * *

Torajiro was smiling - although he was leaving home, he was moving forward to join the Honinbo school - an incredibly prestigious honour, for it was where the great sage Dosaku had come from as well as many of the finest players throughout Japan. Asano-dono had given his blessings and encouraged him to go forth to gain further knowledge and schooling in the art of Go that could not be achieved back in Innoshima.

This was what he wanted! It was, it was! To be surrounded by players across a goban - where his potential could grow and he could be respected. He may be young but there would be players his own age, especially as he grew older.

It was a bright and beautiful future ahead, he was sure, despite the ominous warnings of things his father said he would need to be wary of, at least in the short term future.

* * *

The centuries that followed after were filled with sleep. With the go board hugging tightly the spirit of the player it loved best. Occasionally a brilliant game would rouse them both and they would watch with enthusiasm as the beautiful patterns unfolded.

Unfortunately, though the players across the board skills varied, and costumes gradually changed - none of the games came close to the hand of god they searched for. Now that they had returned amongst Go players, hope had returned - but they had been delegated to the trainees, the plain solid design considered more durable to enable them to practice in private - while on a good quality board.

The go board, despaired of the current generations ability to detect quality.

But Sai - the go board understood names now and their importance, his spirit grew thin as the go board's grew weak. The world was changing around them and they were unable to adapt with it - though the go board tried hard to reinforce Sai's spirit using the strength of the games played upon it - both too firmly attached to the past which they came from, and the go board knew that Sai was at risk of fading forever.

Something that broke the go board's heart, because Sai was meant to play, not to fade away only ever watching.

Instead of immortality the go board had granted - becoming forever a part of Go - to Sai, the go board feared it had taken something away from Sai, as it heard the educated men speak over it, about concepts such as religion and nirvana.

It was during a period of wakefulness as the young trainee Kuwabara, who had been progressing his way through the charts, fell sniffling in a corner. The school had been both glorious and a disappointment for the young boy - other players whispered cruel suspicions about his family, cast unkind aspirations about his patron, and always underestimated his youth. Now accused of being a liar, simply for something that the go board knew was true - and knew that it was a sign that Kuwabara in addition to his great Go potential had great spiritual power - and an affinity to the board itself.

The go board, reminded of Sai back when he was still alive, and it's heart broke once more... Bundled with the burden of it's decision from nearly a thousand years ago, decided... To the sleeping Sai he would push forward and pass a gift on to the both of them.

It knew that the sign that Kuwabara could see the tears meant that Kuwabara had some spiritual awareness - but Sai's fading presence meant that it was likely they would never meet... If the Go board could just strengthen Sai enough... and encourage an attachment between the two... Then they could spend time together.

The Go board felt sure, having seen the child's potential, that with Sai's help they could achieve the divine move together - and really that was it's goal, right?

With the last of it's power the goban made it's final move, using the strength of the millennia of games played across it's surface, it gave everything it had towards the dream, of achieving the heart of the game and tied the fates of Kuwabara Torajiro and Fujiwara no Sai together.

* * *

Torajiro was exhausted, disappointed and confused. As he waited in his room by himself he wondered why no one could see the tear stains...

He had been disappointed upon his welcome to the school, the disappointment in the dashing of his bright dream was great. But the thing that had finally reduced him to tears himself -was the fact that no one could see the tears that stained this board that he adopted by default...

Most people tended to unconsciously avoid it, yet Torajiro felt drawn to it... Even if the patterns that speckled it's surface bothered him. The fact that he had been called a liar by someone he had thought... a new friend that hurt.

The only source of brightness was his sempai Shuwa - who though busy did his best to leave time aside just for Torajiro... If it wasn't for Shuwa-sempai, Torajiro would of tried to have gone home again, but with Shuwa-sempai's support - slight as it may be with all of the obligations Shuwa-sempai had - he was prepared to stoically last through them all, towards the happiness he was sure lay just around the bend.

Still the tear patterns were really strange and the fact that no one else could see them was just odd. It was as he was wondering about this strange mystery, when then a bright light, and a voice came forth, asking to become a part of Kuwabara and promising to play Go...

Torajiro thought back to the imaginary friend he had when younger... and how this voice promised all that his friend back in those days had delivered...

The choice was easy and he accepted this soul as a part of his destiny.

* * *

Sai was very confused. He... He... Remembered water. He remembered brief images throughout the centuries of watching games but... He couldn't remember... He knew that sometimes he didn't feel quite right - his clothes were familiar but sometimes he moved with a grace that was not.

Never mind, he could play Go! That was the important thing! He must find the hand of god! He must! Why else would he still be around when the world had become so very different?!

* * *

Torajiro was smiling more often these days, Shuwa thought to himself. Good to see that he was settling in with the others closer to his own age, despite the initial set backs.

There were so many boys that any quests for special attention would be regarded suspiciously and as the recently appointed , but Torajiro had a great deal of potential and appeared to be progressing nicely.

* * *

Sai was the friend Torajiro had always wanted. So much so that Torajiro wondered, if he was really a spirit or an extension of the day dream he had developed when he was small - surely one of the monks who came in and out of the school would see a spirit wondering around? Although Sai was the superior player - their styles were similar, most of Sai's moves felt familiar and intuitive towards Torajiro these days.

But still he didn't care. He could play Go - mentally tracking the board as they each whispered moves across his brain at night - he had someone who would discuss and explain enigmas without Torajiro feeling lost and stupid... Although some modern moves confused Sai too, it helped Torajiro feel less alone and more confident about asking questions for the answers he needed. Torajiro now had someone who would cheer, just for him, as he made progress all the time.

He no longer had a dream of playing ball games, he wanted to play Go all the time. Thanks to Sai, he could _live_ his dreams instead of just watching them, even if being with Sai had changed them.

* * *

Sai was so proud of Torajiro! He'd just received his shodan! The study they had done together had paid off! He wished he could brag in front of the whole world but... no one would listen.

Never mind! Torajiro had just promised to celebrate by playing Go with him until the cock crowed - or he collapsed. Whichever came first.

How exciting!

* * *

Everyone was in awe of Shusaku. He was young, but he played brilliantly and practised all the time. You could hear him mumbling sometimes off to himself, various moves, as he played brilliant hand against brilliant hand against himself.

Everyone agreed, that he must really understand the game well, if he was able to internalise different strategies and stick to them throughout a match, like that.

There were some who would of liked to have made fun at him for that - but various things held them back. Shusaku held the favour of the teachers, especially Shuwa - and when it came down to skill he was certainly one of the superior players within the Honibo school and it felt like it was a matter of when, rather than if, for him to become head.

He certainly embodied the name of skilful-strategy very well and it was awe inspiring to watching him play, despite his youth.

There was also the fact that he was one of the nicest and most generous people you could ever hope to find. He might of been a little absent minded sometimes, getting distracted in mid conversation, but then geniuses so often were a little strange but rarely so kind.

You knew that when things went wrong, Shusaku was likely to be the first to come in and help you out.

* * *

Sometimes Torajiro really wished Sai would just shut up. Just shutupshutupshutup, shut up.

They had been together nearly seven years - literally, Sai didn't move very far away from Torajiro though Torajiro couldn't quite decide if this was by choice or not, Sai's personality was still enough of an enigma Torajiro could easily believe either option.

Torajiro really couldn't imagine his life without Sai, but he really, really wished Sai would stop talking a million words a minute when all he wanted to do was sleep - he didn't want to practice the day before an important match. He wanted to rest.

Sai. Almost. Never. Stopped. Talking. It was Go this, Go that, white should of moved here, is that really the strongest move that black could make? But even when Torajiro was just helping out at home and not playing Go, Sai still didn't stop... 'What unusual costumes!' 'What's this, what's this?' 'He doesn't look like a real Lord.' Sai had even made a flippant comment about Asano-dono!

Which was unfortunately something which had made Torajiro suffer more than Sai... Really Torajiro should have known better and he would never ever again make the threat of permanently removing Go from the ghosts life.

But the really horrible thing was he could feel Sai changing his Go - not just improving it. Sai would make comments throughout his game - which Torajiro could usually ignore but lately he found himself going to play the same move Sai suggested, before he said it.

Torajiro tried to be patient - he remembered the frustration as a child of wanting to play and having no one to play with. But this was his life as well and he worked hard on his Go!

But, it had taken an angry loud scream at Sai , that caused the entire castle to treat him as carefully as a precious porcelain plate for a week, with the angry accusation that Sai would have never behaved as such a way when he was alive that fixed the problem.

Sai had muttered, "No, you're right I wouldn't have..." and spiralled off into the odd silences he went into sometimes when questioned about his past.

It was times like this where Sai seemed a little inhuman... Sometimes there would be gaps in Sai's story... He didn't look quite like a noble, though Sai had admitted he looked a little different in life.

Torajiro was well educated, he knew his history - the Fujiwara clan had certainly been powerful around that time, the details Sai did give, certainly added up. But there were little things about Sai that made him appear a little too exotic to have stepped out of a dry history record.

* * *

Sai remembers silence. The silence within the court as an intense game is played out before them. The silence of shock - when one of them is to become an outcast. The silence of wanting to speak so badly but no one would listen.

Sai remembered talking with with people in the court, having lively conversations, formal measured conversations, discussions about matches, sharing graceful poetry beneath the trees...

But he also remembered speaking about Go and Go and Go, but he still can't quite figure out where it fits in his memories. He isn't sure he wants to remember - he died and everything before that is painful.

He has Torajiro now and that is enough. Together they will achieve the hand of god! Surely they will! For why else has Sai remained in this world so long?!

But why does he remember someone who referred to it as the heart of the game?

* * *

"Do you ever find it frustrating being away from Edo?" Kuwabara Wazo asked his son anxiously. He was the one that had pushed his son into Go after all, and while it had indeed improved his son's life - it had taken a hold of his son, in ways he found somewhat frightening. Wazo thought, that Go sometimes seemed more of a person to his son, then the people on the streets did.

"Of course not, father, I'm always happy to come home." His son smiled - the same pleasant constant that meant nothing, the one that he always wore...

"Are you sure? There are much stronger players in Edo and I hear you stand a good chance at becoming head of the Honinbo name someday."

Torajiro simply laughed, "where did you hear such an outrageous thing like that. There are many other more senior players suited to becoming heir", he modestly demurred, "besides no matter where I go, I always carry Go with me.", said Torajiro finished with a precious smile - one that actually meant something, even if it didn't quite seem to be directed at Wazo himself.

His father came to a snap decision. "I'll do what I can so your obligations are met with Asano" he promised, "I just want you to be happy and I'm so proud of how far you've come.", he promised.

It would be difficult, but the deep genuine joy on his little To-chan's face, solely for him, was absolutely worth it.

* * *

It would be near his 17th birthday that Torajiro would find out exactly how special Sai was.

He had just returned from his home in Innoshima back to the thriving city Edo, where both foreigners and Go experts gathered.

Head of the Inoue school, a rival one to his own the Honibou school, Inoue Inseki was one of the strongest regarded players in the entire world! And Torajiro was going to be able to play a match with him! This was an honour Torajiro was greatly looking forward to!

There were the usual riff-raff rumours floating around how being away from Edo had rusted his skill, but Torajiro ignored that, as well as the way Sai sniffled about how proud he was that little Torajiro was growing up, and how he wished he had the opportunity to play such strong players.

Torajiro felt a little sorry for Sai, as well as guilty - Sai now looked the same age as Torajiro and had the same potential, yet he would never be able to move forward - and although Torajiro let Sai play some of his games in situations where it didn't count, this was Torajiro's life and Torajiro was the one who needed to go!

Watching Sai remain the same, as Torajiro caught up, had certainly been a sobering experience.

Besides it wasn't like he didn't let Sai play all the Go he wanted with himself - there wasn't a night that went past without Torajiro playing a Go game before he went to sleep, or a morning where he woke when the start of another began.

The game started with Inoue granting a two stone handicap towards Torajiro, as Inoue was a significantly older and more experienced player. Torajiro was determined to make the most of it.

Make the most of it Torajiro did. As the game progressed smoothly in Torajiro's favour - Inoue had halted the game, and - Torajiro wasn't sure whether to feel frustrated or proud at this - and apologised for having underestimated the younger player demanding that the match be restarted as an even game.

Still the opportunity to play evenly with someone he had long admired could not be overlooked! Torajiro eagerly agreed and a new match began.

This one, Inoue appeared to be taking very seriously - playing a new opening move that Torajiro had never seen before... confused Torajiro made a hasty reply and it was only a few more moves into the game that he could see how badly he blundered. Frustrated he tried hard to catch up - but Inoue had not become head of his school for no reason and Torajiro felt so far behind that he was tempted to just withdraw from the game.

"You mustn't!" Sai had cried out. "You can still win this! You just need to regain your focus!"

Torajiro immediately felt guilty - here he was resigning early from a game, when Sai himself couldn't play. He was going to lose in a horribly embarrassing manner, and disgrace his school - such a disappointment after the initial game that had been going so well.

Broken, he whispered with his mind... "You can play Sai."

Sai's fan snapped open hiding his face. Hesitating in a way that was very un-Sai-like, Sai cautiously asked "are you sure?" to confirm that this wasn't a terrible trap, where Torajiro would go and scream at him after.

Torajiro nodded a confirmation, as Inoue anxiously asked if Torajiro was feeling alright?

Torajiro didn't answer instead listening to Sai stepped forward naming the shapes and moves Torajiro was to make and Torajiro hastily moved to confirm the movements on the board.

Inoue rocked back at this assault said nothing but continued to play as well as he could.

It was just over twenty moves later that Sai played a brilliant move - close to the centre. This move changed everything, having influence over enemy and ally and all four directions of the board.

Torajiro could see Inoue's ears begin to go red at the move.

One of the greatest Go players in all of Edo, rival to _his_ school when he had just joined the Honinbo and _Sai_ the whiny ghost who never shut up, _had made his ears go red_. Torajiro was shocked, far to shocked to ever step in and resume play - continuing all the way to the end, and in a game Torajiro had thought hopeless, Sai won by two moku.

After that, Inoue challenged Torajiro to more games, and when Sai wished he could play... Torajiro didn't have the heart to refuse Sai. Sai was a genius, one that Torajiro could never live up to. It would be a shame to hide his talent from the world.

* * *

Sai wasn't sure what to make with Torajiro - he had seemed to have lost energy and life... He didn't want to play any more instead simply moving the stones for Sai. Yet... he'd still play the private games with Sai sames as always. Only now he'd get frustrated if he thought Sai was taking it easy on him.

It was true Sai had treated the game with Inoue Inseki differently to his usual games... But he had always played Go seriously even if it wasn't with full strength.

He was torn between wanting Torajiro to find love in the game once more... And the joy of being able to play as himself.

* * *

"My my!" Shuwa couldn't help but exclaim. "These are some very impressive games you've been playing recently." He said as he looked over the records of one of his favourite students, while also eyeing the way that Shusaku shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Such a modest man he had grown into. Shuwa couldn't help but feel fatherly at having witnessed him grow from a young child to a young adult - despite only the nine years difference in age. Then again, as Jowa had liked to comment when he first entered the school - Shuwa did have a tendency to act far older than his age would suggest.

"I think that your progress is very impressive! I look forward to seeing further developments! You must play some games with me quite soon!" Shuwa declared, laughing internally at the panic that went across the younger student's face. It wasn't easy going face to face with your mentor, but Shuwa felt confident that Shusaku could live up to the challenge.

More thoughtfully, as Shusaku made his hasty exit from their meeting, Shuwa considered the other thing that he had wanted to bring up. He had been keeping an eye on Shusaku since he had first joined the school, but his recent progress was simply fantastic. Now that Shuwa was heir to Josaku he had to think about the long term prospects for the Honinbo school... Especially with the difficult rumours that promised misfortune for the world of Go ahead...

Shusaku was simply too talented to waste and would surely bring much prestige and honour upon the Honinbo name - you only had to look at his recent match with Genan for that - so Shuwa really wanted to make him his heir, even if it might be considered a little to early to do so with Josaku still going strong, and Shusuku only nine years Shuwa's junior... It really did seem the most appropriate decision to make.

  


* * *

It was embarrassing to in the same room as Shuwa-sensei for Torajiro.

Shuwa-sensei, was heir to Honinbo Josaku - which meant he was next in line for head of the Honinbo house. Head of the entire school.

Shuwa would never let another person play his own games - yet he praised Torajiro. But it wasn't Torajiro that he should be praising, it was Sai. Worst of all Torajiro was now trapped - for how could he explain suddenly going backwards in the quality of his strategy upon the goban.

It was disgusting.

Yet freeing.

If Torajiro wasn't the person that Shuwa was praising, he would be.

As he closed the door to his room, he mentally yelled at Sai to get ready - because Torajiro was going to crush him in this next game - and Sai had better not go easy upon him, or else Torajiro would not forgive him!

* * *

Sai was delighted! Torajiro was back to normal! Their private games had reached new levels of intensity!

But not only that, he'd let Sai play games on the board frequently as well! It was always carefully measured who Sai could play and who he couldn't, but the matches were always fun and Sai felt like he was going crazy with excitement.

What fun!

Surely Sai would find the hand of god at this rate. Surely.

There was only one thing, Torajiro specified. Sai was not allowed to play against Shuwa-sensei as white - only as black. Out of respect, Torajiro said eerily, before demanding another rematch.

* * *

Shuwa brought his favourite student back into his study once again. The reputation of Shusaku had been spreading throughout the various Go schools, and had been the subject of much earnest discussion with the current head of the Honinbo house, Josaku and his heir - Shuwa himself... Together they had finally reached a decision.

There could be no one other than Shusaku who was suitable to become the head of Honinbo house after Shuwa!

Hehehe. It was so amusing to see as the offer was made to Torajiro, the way his eyes went round and he stopped breathing - like a little mouse trapped before a hungry cat.

It was not so amusing to see Shusaku recover, and in a flat and calm voice decline due to obligations back home with Asano-sama.

This needed to be rectified. Immediately.

* * *

Torajiro had the very faint feeling of being hunted.

His father and Shuwa had come together as part of an unholy conspiracy to have him named next in line as head of the Honinbo school.

Asano-sama when questioned about the obligations, had seemed very surprised and announced of course Shusake could go forward! Asano was honoured, to have contributed to the progress of such a player and any obligations that Shusake had could of course be negotiated.

Combined with the urging from Sai, Shusaku felt very cornered and with last of his excuses gone, had no choice but to accept the position.

That didn't mean he was going to take things easy however... Or make it easy for those who had forced him in this position.

* * *

Life was exciting, now that Torajiro had been named heir to the head of the Honinbo school. Sai was so very proud of Torajiro, and couldn't understand why he didn't seem to want the position.

Torajiro had cited youth and that he didn't feel equal to the position - but he wasn't expected to take it up for many years yet. It was really most puzzeling.

But now there were games to play and wedding preparations to be made! It had been decided to help cement Torajiro's relationship within the Honinbo school and title, that he should marry Jowa's daughter. Jowa had been the man who was head of the Honinbo house when Torajiro had first joined the school... He had been an interesting Go player, although one that Sai approved of less and less as the years went past and more of his ill deeds had been revealed.

Jowa had been a cowardly man, who tricked his way to the mejin title. But his daughter was talented and pretty as far as women went, Sai supposed, and she and Torajiro had always gotten along well in the few times they had spoken.

It was a shame that politics seemed to invade every part of life - but how else was the world supposed to work?

Sai longed for something pure - the hand of god - it was something that couldn't be tainted by the mundane matters of this world - it could never be reduced to a political ploy. It was the ultimate goal for any Go player.

Surely he would find it and get to the heart of the game.

* * *

All of the young players within the school knew these things to be absolute truths.

The heir to the head of the house, Shusaku was a brilliant player, the kindest of their teachers and absolutely terrifying.

The boys all knew that he was the most likely to answer their questions - but he had eyes in the back of his head.

Suou - having tired of the long hours, thought to lighten the mood by organising his little circle to bombard the teacher when he had his back turned.

Shusaku hadn't turned his head an inch but he named each of the group - in counter clockwise order no less - to drop their items... Even mentioning when Ohtori had picked his brush back up again.

There had been no threats of punishment. Not once did he even turn around from his quiet position. But after - well, Shusaku always had the best behaved class - since that group decided it would be wise to be on best behaviour- not once after did anyone in that group think to muck up in Shusaku class once again - nor any others who heard the stories and observed Shusaku run class in person.

There was just something supernatural about his constant calm and patient nature, the serenity that surrounded him that made him utterly creepy. He was a source of awe - young and brilliant, but though he spoke with modesty about his achievements, there was a sense of invincibility. He refused to head to head with Shuwa - but there was something about the way that he refused to go head to head, that just made him seem all the more remarkable.

Out of all the teachers, he was the one most fun to speculate about... After all the answer seemed obvious to his mysterious eyes in the back of his head. Shusaku was clearly a retired ninja, tired of the killing in this progressive age he had turned his able mind to Go.

After all, he frequently mumbled to himself various moves and stratergies... And bravest of them who came close to his room at night - during the periods of time where he stayed within the school for his matches - said that the sounds of pachi could be heard well past the lamps burning out... With only himself in the room... This must be how the ninja's convened, passing secret messages in complicated patterns...

It was only a matter of time until he snapped, the rumour mill agreed.

* * *

As the years had gone on, Torajiro found himself in a position where he was enjoying his games once again. Unofficial games were almost always played by himself and the official ones alternated between himself and Sai.

He wasn't sure whether it was a complement on not, that most couldn't tell the difference between his games and Sai as the years went on- but perhaps that was because of the constant nightly games that had continued for almost fifteen years, influencing both players.

Torajiro still had some regret over that match with Genan that he had let Sai play - it was considered the most infamous of Torajiro's games and one whose hold he just could not seem to escape...

But, Sai was a genius who deserved to be able to play more than just some fraud.

But life was good these days - he had rivals, he had friends, he had Sai. His teacher Shuwa whom inspired him - the playing in black had started off as a move for respect, and while it continued as such, it was nice to be able to rile his teacher up just a little. Revenge for being pushed into the heirship position.

Even if he there were some days where he felt weak - Sai who had put him in this position, was still always there to push him on and keep him going, even when Torajiro did not feel strong enough on his own.

* * *

Sai sometimes felt a little left out of Torajiro's life these days... Especially compared to when Torajiro had been younger and his only friend had been Sai.

They still played regularly games, but now Torajiro had so many other obligations to tend to - as he explained he couldn't stay up late when he had a wife to look after...

It was a little lonely being frozen in time, but forced to move with the world, but as the world grew more exciting, Sai was sure he was getting closer to the the hand of god!

Surely that was worth not being able to play as often. Surely!

* * *

The world was turning, but it seemed safe to say that Shusaku, from the Honinbo school, that talented dazzling player that everyone couldn't help but talk about was near the top and would continue to progress. He was only twenty-four, yet he was apple of Honinbo Shuwa's eye and he was giving players almost thirty years his senior, like Sakaguchi Sentoku, a most difficult time on the board.

It seemed likely that he could be one of the strongest players and it was amongst a group of players who discussed this matter with care.

The conversation started simply enough, "Surely Shuwa is stronger" declared Hattori, with Showa disagreeing saying to look at their recent games - to which Yansui couldn't help but rebutted with, "He's never played white against Shuwa - there has never been a fair comparison", and Hattori agreed with saying "Shusaku has always stated that his teacher Shuwa is much stronger than himself and surely he would be a good judge." and Ota Yuzo finalising it with that it was complete nonsense to go around saying that Shusaku was the strongest.

However as they progressed and compared more games, the statistics were most puzzling. "Maybe he is stronger than Shuwa." whispered Hattori as he looked at the particularly brilliant move demonstrated before him. "It's a somewhat frightening thought, isn't it" Sakaguchi confirmed.

Ota, couldn't understand their change in opinion. "I'm playing Shusaku right now, and we're tied at three games a piece - he may have an impressive record and he's certainly a good player, but it's only because he's been underestimated and unable to move up the ranks to his true level that he's regarded so highly. It was only four years ago that he started to be able to play evenly with me... He needs at least another ten years in order to claim to be the strongest!"

Akai Gorosaku, who had been quiet for most of the convesation laughed. "Why don't you show us then!? I'd like to sponsor a Sanjubango between you two."

"Sanjubango?" Hatori asked puzzled.

"Like a jubango, only three of them in a row! It would be most exciting for the Go world to see - we could possibly squeeze them in on a weekly basis - I'm sure Shusaku would be happy to agree!"

"Well, we'll see then." responded Ota.

* * *

"Thirty games?" Torajiro couldn't help but cry out.

"How impressive!" Shuwa exclaimed.

"How wonderful!" said Sai with a smile he hid behind his fan.

"I couldn't possibly", Torajiro began to decline, but Akai Gorasaku was a persistant man, and pressed on talking about how it was an attempt to see the true strength of Shusaku!

"There is really no need!" Torajiro desperately rubutted but then Shuwa was taking up the flag and talking about honour for the Honinbo house - and Shusaku knew much like the whole business with the heirship he was doomed.

  


* * *

Sai danced around with ease, this series of games was to alternate between himself and Torajiro. Not only that, Torajiro had taken to studying late at night again, so Sai was playing all the Go he could possibly want.

The initial matches didn't start out so well for Torajiro as he initially lost all the games he played only holding on via Sai. But as he gained confidence, the games were close after all he began to push back with greater force, regaining the natural confidence he had, had before adulthood. By the 14th week, Torajiro took over completely... Ota was obviously suffering from embarrassment at this predicament and Torajiro thought it fairer if the games were played with himself, and not his mysterious muse... But by the 23rd week he was completely exhausted - it had taken everything to get this far against Ota Yuzo... But he couldn't give up, as Sai primly reminded - Shuwa had promised to fill out many a colourful threat if Shusaku risked the honourable name of Honinbo...

But poor Torajiro was finding the sleepless nights, combined with his other commitments and these matches far too heavy a burdan to bear. So Sai was delighted to find that he was able to play against Ota Yuza once again - who was one of Sai's absolute favourite players... Beside he and Torajiro were a team! Their Go influenced the other so well, that it was more like halves to the same coin than a whole new game.

Sai decided to to make it easier on Ota, by trying to play the game to a tie - Sai wouldn't throw a game, but Torajiro was right, Ota deserved more...

* * *

Ota Yuzo was being humiliated! He knew exactly what that disrespectful youngster was up to! He may of been forced to take a handicap in playing black two games out of three, but that didn't mean he couldn't spot someone who was deliberately trying to tie with him. Worst of all Shusaku was doing it with an exhausted blank and yet very serious look - as if he was struggling to play when that scheaming mind was planing out this complicated joke at Ota's expense.

Yet when the match was over and the discussion began - he couldn't help but notice how tired Shusaku looked and how clueless he had appeared to the tied game.

Maybe this match had gone on too long... Shusaku was a kind boy, perhaps this was his subconcious's bizarre attempt to help save Ota's face...

When in the week that followed Shusaku recieved an invitation for the castle games, Ota made his decision - he would end the Sanjubango.

Even if it hurt his pride to be considered strong for having kept ahead of a boy that had been almost half his age for so long.

* * *

Torajiro had come to terms with letting Sai play some of his games, but still it hurt to rely on his strength... Torajiro had promised himself to become someone worthy of the Honinbo house, but there was little he could do.

Torajiro decided that if he couldn't get his Go up to standards, then he would help to ensure the Honinbo house in other ways, now looking to find himself his own heir.

The most likely candidate was Shuho... Torajiro decided to challenge him to a jubango, to see how his skills measured up.

It only lead to disappointment all around - Torajiro hadn't quite been playing at his best and Shuho now felt insulted at having been taken easily... The final score of the ten games had been six gamse to Shuho, three games to Torajiro and one tie.

And yet, Torajiro was the one named heir. It wasn't fair.

* * *

Sai knew that these were difficult times, but when once again the castle games were cancelled, he still couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed. The castle games were his best bet at finding the hand of god... He needed to find it with Torajiro! It was their goal!

* * *

The death rate was terrible. The stench was great, as food simply passed through... And people fell ill one by one. Shusaku who had always been kind did his best to look after the students and members of the Honinbo house, helping to keep them hydrated, easing the last moments of their lives for those who would die, helping with the recovery of those who would not.

But he was not immune and eventually fell ill himself, being forced to retire to his own quarters and having only limited mobility.

When he started coughing blood, the outlook looked grim indeed.

* * *

Torajiro stared up at the ceiling, where an anxious Sai floated inbetween.

"Distract me Sai."

"But the doctor said you must rest!" Sai anxiously said.

"I'm too tired to rest..." Torajiro wryly responded, inwardly amused at the idea of Sai telling him not to play Go in order to rest. Only not. It only showed how serious the situation was and that wasn't how Torajiro wanted to spend the last of his days - a fretting ghost by his side - watching an empty goban of the game he loved....

"Come on, let's play a game." Torajiro said wearily, before dragging himself up over the Go Board. This would be much better to set his mind at ease.

"I'll play black but it's the only handicap, I'll take from you!" Torajiro warned as he places the first black stone.

Reluctantly Sai made his response, and the game was progressing smoothly, before Torajiro's coughing fit, knocked stones off and left blood over the corner.

"You should rest", Sai said worriedly. "We can play Go another time..."

"Yes, yes." Torajiro waved as he settled himself back onto the futon.

His last words before he closed his eyes, and made his goodbye... "I'm sorry I couldn't help you find what you were looking for..." He really did wish he could of found the hand of Go that Sai had been looking for with him. He couldn't help but wonder what the future might hold for the unique ghost that only he could see...

He couldn't see Sai moving on with just what Torajiro had provided.

* * *

Sai slept once again. It was both familiar and terrifying - far more than before. Surely he hadn't felt so very alone the first time? When would he be able to speak with another player?

The goban rested amongst others in the castle. Some times played upon, most times not.

Then tragerty struck and the goban was packed up and sold... But none of the players came even close to the potential that was seen on a regular basis in the castle.

Shifted it moved from shop to shop, through panic and war... Sometimes when Sai was awake he could see people point and panic and it was with guilty feelings that he faded back into the board to sleep once more, waiting for the right person to come and find him.

Eventually the board ended up on in the attic of a Go enthusiast, as it waited to have the light shine upon it once more.

Until a cycle is broken, it will always come again.


End file.
